Far Out Stress Dreams

I remember having one or two major stress dreams when I was a student, usually involving walking into the exam room and having the lights go out, or otherwise not being able to see the exam paper itself. But I have always had a stress dream in the months or weeks before every marathon I've run, except for my first (which was a last minute impulse decision). Last night I had a stress dream about Buffalo, three months away.

In the dream I started running the marathon. The course passed my hotel. I suddenly remembered something I needed in the hotel room. I don't recall what the item was, but it was very important that I get it. So I detour from the race, go into the room, and realize I have the wrong running shoes on. I mean to change only the shoes, but end up changing all my clothes, back into street clothes. Then I remember I'm in the race. So I have to change back into my running gear, and get my running shoes back on. All the while I feel the clock ticking, every second seems to be an hour. Finally I get back out on the course and I can't see anyone around. I panic, maybe I'm lost, or worse, I'm last. I started running down the course alone and spotted some runners way up ahead going really slowly. I was way behind the slowest runners. Then I woke up.

Why do I make myself crazy with something that's supposed to be fun? Fun isn't quite the word. I need a word that describes something about which I'm passionate, to which I'm committed, and from which I derive an immense amount of satisfaction and self-confidence. As much as with my children, but with a different type of love. "Hobby" is too belittling. No wonder Americans are so fat, there's not even a word that encompasses all that for a physical activity.